Creating Meaningful Gatherings
By: Sara Payne, Magnify Missions Facilitator/Workshop Coordinator
Email: sara@magnifymissions.com
Each Sunday evening my husband and I sit down to a ritual or gathering we call Popcorn/Smovie Night. It involves a simple, light dinner and us taking some time to both connect as well as plan the upcoming week. Before we dive into our food, we grab a whiteboard and map out the events of the week, penciling in workouts, childcare, days he’ll be out with his job, and major events. It is a helpful start as well as an intentional time of rest and connection before we start another week of life. After our white board discussion, we move to feasting on our dinner and watching an episode of something as we enjoy our meal. Recently we have been working our way through The Chosen. We’re on season 5, and I’ve been intrigued by the artistic approach. Each episode has started with different moments and snapshots of one gathering: The Last Supper. It has been a very thought-provoking scene each time - breaking down the narrative of that night so that you have time to reflect on the emotion and story that is taking place. As the viewer, you can see the meaning and power of this last gathering Jesus shared with his disciples before going to the cross. Over the last month I’ve been reading The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, and I found many parallels between the book and Jesus' Last Supper. As the author notes, “The way we gather matters.” When it comes to having a purpose for gathering Jesus is definitely an expert on it. I found it fascinating to think about how he gathered with people especially his 12 apostles and how it translated to my reading. Jesus went into the Last Supper knowing it would be his final meal and gathering before going to the cross. He had the specific goals of demonstrating his servant heart through the washing of the apostles' feet, sharing a meal with friends, and encouraging them before his death. Not everyone was invited to attend this meal - it was specially celebrated with those who were closest to Him. Jesus had a clear purpose for gathering, and when we gather so should we.
The “Why” Behind Gathering
Before transitioning to my work with Magnify Missions, I worked for six years doing Project Based Learning training for Magnify learning. One of our slogans was “Know Your Why”. As we trained teachers how to design a PBL (Project Based Learning) unit, we emphasized the importance of knowing the why for designing the unit and ensuring that it had meaning beyond just hitting state standards. Our purpose for gathering and doing training was ultimately to transform education through the teaching approach of PBL (Project Based Learning). That phrase, “Know Your Why” has really stuck with me beyond those training sessions, and it’s come to be an approach to life. As Priya Parker notes, “The art of gathering begins with purpose: When should we gather? And why?” I’ve been a part of a lot of meetings in my life - whether in education, church life, or for work and many of them felt like a waste of time. I’ve come to crave and even require that the time I spend with people have a clear purpose. Our time is a precious commodity, and we need to ensure that whether we are attending or hosting a gathering the purpose is very clear. Parker reinforces this idea, writing,“When we don’t examine the deeper assumptions behind why we gather, we end up skipping too quickly to replicating old, staid formats of gathering. And we forgo the possibility of creating something memorable, even transformative.” She outlines three specific criteria for forming a meeting’s purpose.
Specific - Is it specific?
Unique - Is it unique?
Disputable - Is it disputable?
Parker also provides these questions as a filter for thinking through your larger purpose:
What larger needs in the world could your gathering address?
What problem might it help solve?
In our design of a Magnify Missions workshop, we’ve been able to hit on these criteria. Our gathering is helping solve the problem of business and missionary burnout as well as addressing the need for creating sustainability. We have a very specific goal of coming together to help our participants create a plan that will allow them to thrive personally and professionally. Our gathering is unique because we or rather God brings together a different set of people in a different location each time. We’ve seen Him be the one who finds the people, brings them to us, and ultimately gathers them together. We’ve also found that some of the core mindsets and incorrect beliefs we try to tackle in our workshops are controversial or disputable. We’ve found that a large portion of the Christian community does not believe Christians, whether in business or ministry, should have wealth or aspirations. Part of our pushback is seeing believers be successful so they can have a generational impact on their families and God’s kingdom. If Christians aren’t the ones with the money, then nonbelievers are, and you can be sure they aren’t using it for Kingdom purposes.
In your own design of a gathering whether it’s a staff meeting, a check-in, a board meeting, or a special meal hosted at your home, you can apply these same principles. In The Art of Gathering Parker writes, “Think of what you want to be different because you gathered, and work backward from that outcome.” I have some friends who attend a staff meeting each week that often results in little to no real work or goals being accomplished. There is usually no agenda and instead a lot of talking and story telling that doesn’t serve the group well. Parker shares, “Having a purpose simply means knowing why you’re gathering and doing your participants the honor of being convened for a reason.” We can be intentional about each gathering we have and follow in the footsteps of Christ, who made every meeting and interaction count.
Who Gets Invited
Showing off our bird whistles at Isabella’s 3rd Birthday Party.
This last month of my life has been filled with kiddo birthday parties. I love celebrating, but I like to do things on a smaller scale, which for me allows for a more intimate, personal time with people. We celebrated our little girl’s 3rd birthday with a (mostly) simple gathering of grandparents, honorary grandparents, and two honorary aunties. We made homemade pizza, spoke encouragement over Izzy, ate dessert (this year’s request was chocolate cupcakes), and opened a few gifts. Then we prayed for Isabella’s next year of life. This year’s celebration ended with us all going outside and trying out bird whistles that I had bought to fit the theme of celebrating our little bird, which is a nickname we have for our daughter. It was hilarious and so fun! It has been a sweet and special gathering these last two years. In the weeks that followed, I took Isabella to two other birthday parties for little friends of hers we’d meet through a mom’s group. It was an overwhelming experience for both of us. In both cases we were surrounded by people we didn’t know and I felt my introverted self coming out. For the first party, we chose to mostly stay inside and even eat on our own in the quiet living room instead of the jam packed yard filled with strangers and what felt like chaos. For the second party, Isabella had a complete meltdown in the car and didn’t want to go in at all. We survived both parties and delivered our gifts, but it all had me circling back to what I had recently read in The Art of Gathering.
I was pondering the idea of “who” gets invited to events, in this case birthday parties. It was a super kind gesture to be invited, but the experience reinforced to me that probably a lot less people should get invited. Parker writes, “ …thoughtful exclusion, in addition to being generous, can be defining. It can help with the important task of communicating to guests what a gathering is.” In our own family birthdays the guest list is small, and I can say the same for our Magnify Missions Workshops. We have a limit of 3-4 participants max, and we only do workshops twice a year. We have lots of people interview for a spot, but not everyone gets invited and they shouldn’t be. Some guests are the wrong guests. Parker continues, “Excluding well and purposefully is reframing who and what you are being generous to - your guests and your purpose.” When we have an event or gathering, such as a workshop, our goal is to get the right people to it. We have a very purposeful interview process with some very pointed questions that really help us see who is the right fit for the work we’re going to embark on. In some cases people aren’t the right fit or at least not yet. Jesus was also very purposeful about who he invited to his gatherings. Some of his teaching times were for a whole crowd. Some were for his 12 apostles. Some were for just a few of them - such as the transfiguration. Or at times it was just a gathering of one other individual such as his conversation with Nicodemus in the middle of the night. The point is Jesus always knew the “why” for his gatherings and he always knew “who” he should invite.
Where to Gather
One of my favorite aspects about my job is picking the venue where we’re going to stay for a workshop. We want our people to be relaxed, in a place where they can dream and even more so where they can believe that God has immeasurably more for them. In our first year of hosting a workshop, we met at a hotel in Florida. Our hotel liaison did a great job setting up snacks and taking care of us, but we were in a large conference room that overlooked a somewhat dingy pool. Guests were walking around in swimsuits and sipping on drinks at the tiki bar, while we were inside working and trying to dream about the future. My husband, who had come to be a part of the workshop as a participant, was in attendance and so we had brought our 6 month old with us as I was cofacilitating. We were all cramped into one outdated bedroom, and every night we were tiptoeing around the room so we wouldn’t wake our daughter. All of my hopes of having a relaxing beach side stay and enjoying the space slowly diminished each day. I knew I was there to work, but I had also hoped for some refreshment and relaxation. While it had been an overall productive and positive experience for our attendees, I left feeling exhausted and disappointed. That first workshop helped me understand how crucial it was to have the right space for our gathering. We had advertised that families were invited and that we wanted people to have a restful week, but our space had not allowed for us to make good on that deliverable. In The Art of Gathering Parker points out, “What many hosts don’t realize is that the choice of venue is one of your most powerful levers over your guests’ behavior.” If we are looking for our guests to dream about a better future then they need to be in a place that inspires them - an outdated hotel doesn’t do that, but a multi-million dollar home with spacious rooms overlooking the mountains does. Again as I think about the Passover, Jesus was very purposeful about the place he chose to have the Last Supper. It was a special meal, and he didn’t leave it to the apostles to go find a place, he already had one waiting for them with the preparations that were necessary. If you’re going to have a meaningful gathering you need to pick the right space.
An Expert in Gathering
Every few months or so I host a gathering of ladies who serve on a committee for a mom’s group that runs through our church. There’s always an agenda, and I’ve made it my goal to provide baked goods and fresh coffee every time. I light a candle and play soft music. I try to create a warm and inviting space. We start in prayer and end with next steps and a final prayer. It isn’t a colossal event but it has been made special by the intentionality we put into it. Parker emphasizes this point, writing, “Gatherings crackle and flourish when real thought goes into them, when (often invisible) structure is baked into them, and when a host has the curiosity, willingness, and generosity of spirit to try.” I’m sure the apostles didn’t realize how important the gathering of the Last Supper was, but Jesus knew. It’s amazing to think how that gathering has been recreated across time and the world as believers come together to celebrate communion. Jesus has left us an incredible example of how to gather well. As you are thinking about your next gathering, take into consideration the “why”, “who”, and “where” of the gathering. Not every gathering is going to be as elaborate or detailed as a workshop or dinner party, but even small gatherings can have more purpose and meaning to them if we take the time to make them so.
To get started on creating your own meaningful gatherings, download our FREE resource, Creating Meaningful Gatherings.
Sara Payne is first and foremost a beloved child of God. She likes to surround herself with people who love Jesus, be out in nature, work out, cook, and drink delicious cups of coffee. She is married to Ryan, an amazing man who loves Jesus, and also is (in her opinion) a rock star with a band called Attaboy. They have one beautiful little girl named Isabella, who is a joy and delight! Sara’s first job after college was as a missionary serving overseas in Budapest, Hungary. She then transitioned into being a full time English teacher in a PBL (Project Based Learning) school on the south side of Indianapolis, IN. There her mission field was high school students. After getting married, she worked for Magnify Learning as a Branding Manager and PBL facilitator. Since becoming a mama, she now works for Magnify Missions where she is able to combine her love of missions and teaching to serve missionaries and Christian entrepreneurs from around the world.
